


White Noise

by spicyboy



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Barely A Plot tbh, Civil War happened but ended in a different way, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hospitalization, M/M, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Physical Abuse, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Civil War (Marvel), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Suicide Attempt, tony has a kid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-02 11:57:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8666542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spicyboy/pseuds/spicyboy
Summary: The month was February. The year was 1991. Tony drank a little too much and the girl across the room was a little too pretty. A couple bad decisions and nine months later Elijah Wells is born.Everything after that was just unadulterated bad luck.Then Bucky Barnes comes into Elijah's life and things began to feel different.





	1. Bad Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> I literally wrote the first 10,000 words of this while having a mental breakdown so sorry if it's shitty lmao. I just felt the need to post it because we need some more Bucky/omc on here.

2002

 

Men were in the house. They were featureless shadows that would easily tower over his small form. He had always been small for his age. Even from a distance he could smell the sweat and anger rolling off of them. His mother quickly shoved him into the closet in the guest bedroom.  
“No matter what you hear, you don’t come out, okay? Just stay quiet and stay in here. It’ll all be over soon,” She whispered to him. He nodded clutching his stuffed bunny to his chest. The top of the toy’s head was damp with tears. She gave him a kiss on the forehead and slid the door closed.  
The boy could hear muffled voices talking across the Queens apartment. The talking quickly turning into shouting. The small shivering boy could only make out a few words he didn’t quite understand.  
“Where is he?” He heard one man shout. Terror tore through his tiny body. They had to be talking about him. The bad men were here to take him away.  
“I haven’t talked to him in nine years!” His mother shouted, begging. “He didn’t even show at the hospital when Eli was born!” There was a loud CRASH that caused the boy to jump and his back to hit the wall of the closet.  
“We know he sends you money! You know where he is!” The other man yelled. He could hear his mother crying and begging no. She didn’t know where he was, she promised. He only sent her child support.  
“He owes us twenty grand so you better tell us where he is or your kid is going to lose a mother.” He remembered those words the clearest. That was when the full reality of the situation sank in.  
“Please,” his mother begged. “I don’t know. I swear, I don’t know where he is.”  
There was a loud BANG like a firecracker then a thud. He heard muffled voices then approaching footsteps. He held his breath as he heard the men tossing over each room. His small heart felt like it was going to explode.  
One of the men made it into the guest bedroom and the boy could see his tall featureless form through the shuttered door. He tossed furniture around growing angrier when he didn’t find whatever it was he was looking for. Finally he stormed over to the closet and swung the doors open. He shuffled around the minimal contents, nearly stepping on the boy, who managed to curl up in a corner and go unseen. The boy’s pants were well soiled by now.  
“Let’s get out of here it smells like piss,” The man said as he left the room. The boy heard the front door slam shut, but made no move. It was hours before anyone found him shivering in a puddle of his own urine in that closet

 

 

\---

 

2008

 

Eight years later he woke up sweating in his bedroom despite the snow outside. He had dreamed of that night again. Even though he was in a different apartment now, in a different borough it always felt like he had never left that closet. Quietly, he left his room for the kitchen. As he opened a bottle of water and drank he vaguely remembered having chemistry homework due the next day that he hadn’t started. He didn’t care much. He could get it done in school before the class.  
When he left the kitchen to go back to his room he noticed a figure sitting in his abuela’s armchair. His heart jumped and sped up.  
“Abuela?” He asked. She didn’t answer, but as his eyes adjusted to the dark he could tell it was definitely her. She didn’t answer. He stepped forward and flipped on the lights. His abuela sat staring blankly ahead not breathing. She was dead.

 

They couldn’t get a hold of his father, a man he had heard many things about, but never actually met.  
“You sure this guy’s your father?” One cop asked. Eli had been sat at the station waiting for someone, anyone, to pick him up. He hadn’t cried yet.  
“He’s the one that sends the checks every month,” Eli replied drily. The cop looked down that the evidence Eli had provided to prove that the man in question was, in fact, his father. The envelope was plain, but the check inside was anything but. The cop nodded and sighed.  
“Alright, how’s about I try the main company line.” Eli didn’t answer since it wasn’t really a question. He could hear the line ringing then a woman answer.  
“Stark Industries, how may I help you?” She answered in a chipper voice. The sun was up, school had surely started, and Eli remembered he didn’t do his chemistry homework.  
“Yeah, this is Officer Charles with the NYPD. I need to speak with Mr. Tony Stark,” The cop, Officer Charles, spoke into the receiver.  
“I’m sorry, sir, you’re going to have to call Mr. Stark’s extension and speak with his assistant,” the woman informed him.  
“I already did that. No one answered.”  
“That line is only available 8AM to 5PM. If you try again now you should be able to get through.” It had indeed just passed 8AM.  
“Alright, thank you, miss.” He hung up and tried the extension again. He gave Eli a sympathetic look, but Eli was still thinking about his chemistry homework and whether he’d be able to get it done before class now.

 

“Hello, Mr.Stark’s office, this is Pepper Potts speaking. How may I help you?” A vaguely tired, but cheerful voice answered the phone.  
“Yes, hello, Ms. Potts. This is Officer Charles from the NYPD. I need to speak with Mr. Stark.” Officer Charles’s voice sounded simply tired.  
“What did he do this time?” All cheer drained from Pepper Potts’s voice.  
“Nothing, ma’am. I just need to speak with him.”  
“Okay then, please hold.” The line was silent for a moment.  
“Mr. Stark is busy at the moment. Can this wait?” Officer Charles glanced at Eli who was still staring out the precinct window thinking about chemistry.  
“Not really, ma’am, no.”  
“May I ask what this pertains to?” Officer Charles sighed.  
“His son.” The line was silent for another moment.  
“Please hold.” This time Pepper’s end wasn’t completely silent. Hushed arguing could be heard, but it was impossible to make out what they were saying.  
“Yeah?” A groggy, but distinctly male voice said into the phone.  
“Mr. Stark?” Officer Charles asked surprised. Eli’s eyes shot to the phone against the cop’s ear, his chemistry homework forgotten.  
“Yes, unfortunately.”  
“Mr. Stark, I have your son here-”  
“I’m going to cut you off right there. I’m all for teenage delinquency, but doesn’t the kid have a grandma or something who can take care of this?”  
“Actually, Mr. Stark, I’m sorry to have to tell you that Ms. Wells is no longer with us.”  
Eli waited anxiously to hear what his father had to say. When he failed to answer Officer Charles continued.  
“I’m calling because you’re the only living relative Elijah has left. If you can’t take him I’m going to have to call Social Services and have him placed in a home.” There was another long moment of silence.  
“Yeah, do that,” he said finally.  
“I’m sorry, sir. Are you telling me you want me to call Social Services?” Eli’s stomach felt like it turned to cement.  
“Yeah, I’ll keep giving the kid money for whatever he needs, but he can’t stay with me.”  
“And you understand that he will most likely be placed in an outer city group home?” To his credit, the jolly crumb ridden cop before him was still trying, but Eli had barely let himself even hope.  
“Yeah, yeah, just do what you need to do. He can’t stay here.” Then the line went dead.  
Officer Charles put the phone down and sighed sympathetically.  
“Look, I’m real sorry. I know you’ve had a hell of a day, but I’m going to have to call Social Services.” Eli simply nodded and waited numbly as he did so. With another apology Officer Charles told him he could wait with another officer for the social worker. They moved him to a desk with an overly chipper cop. She wore her dark hair high in a tight knot and a face that was never without a smile. She annoyed Eli immediately.  
Her name was Officer Bailey and she tried getting him to talk, but he never gave enough to build a conversation out of. Far quicker than he expected, a man who must have the social worker appeared. He was squat with a long coat and strong brow.  
“Officer Bailey, is this the young man you called me about?” He asked sizing Eli up.  
Eli remembered Officer Charles calling Social Services, but didn't say a word to contradict the man.  
“Sure is, Mr. Martin,” she smiled at him.  
“And you have his history?” Mr. Martin asked.  
“Yes, I do,” Bailey chirped and handed him a file that was on her desk. Martin flipped through and nodded.  
“Good eye, Bailey. Keep up the good work. Kid, come with me.” He began walking without making sure Eli was following. Eli had to rush a little to keep up. He led Eli a back way out of the police station and to a black SUV with heavily tinted windows in an ally. Eli had seen enough movies to know this was sketchy, but he figured he must have been paranoid for no reason.  
He climbed in the back of the car and Mr. Martin climbed in the passenger seat. There were two more men inside the car. One was behind the wheel and one was beside Eli. The men wore suits. They peeled out of the ally and began weaving through the New York City traffic.  
“Are we going to stop so I can get my stuff?” Eli said when he noticed they were going the opposite way of his grandmother’s apartment.  
“No,” answered Martin from the front of the SUV. That’s when the sunlight catching something shiny drew his eye. Eli noticed a gun peeking out from the pants of the man beside him. He was too late realizing Martin wasn’t a social worker. It was six years before Eli saw the outside world again.  
\---

 

2014

 

It was the patrol patterns that made it possible in the end. Something as simple and obvious as that. He didn’t know exactly how long he'd been trapped in that hell hole only that it had been years. He didn’t even know what he looked like anymore. He knew his hair was to his chin and his facial hair was kept to a stubble by someone hired to do so. Subjects weren’t allowed sharp objects. They were only allowed a single thin mattress on the floors of their cell and two meals a day.  
When the guard passed his cell and rounded the corner he quickly slid off his clothes, plain tattered scrubs, and hid them under his mattress. He turned invisible, the power they brought out in him. The power they tortured him for. Reyna, the subject across the hall began to shout, notifying the security guards he had escaped. When he heard the pair of running foot steps he pressed himself into the corner of his cell.  
The guard unlocked the door and stepped in. Eli rushed forward and slammed the guard’s head against the bars knocking him out. He grabbed the guard’s keys and locked him inside the cell. He then set Reyna free and gave her the keys.  
“Remember, stay invisible, force field when needed, and it should work,” She told him as they ran down the hall together.  
“Just as long as you know where we’re going,” he replied. He voice was deeper than it had been six years ago and more worn down.  
“The layout is relatively simple and there are only four more subjects in this facility. We can make it,” she assured him. Reyna got the ability to read minds. The people who ran the place learned how to take precautions with her, but not before she was able memorize the layout and where all the subjects were.  
Ultimately it took an hour. Reyna led the way and set the subjects free while Eli shielded them from gunfire. As more people joined them they were able to take out enemies quicker. Their combined power was enough to push through enemy fire and to the hangar where the exit was.  
The doors were visible and they could all taste freedom. Suddenly they were hit with a bright light and the sound of an engine. Eli managed to get a force field up just before the truck hit. It knocked them against the far wall. Gunshots began to rang out. Eli struggled to get his bearings. He was visible again and saw an armed guard locking on his naked body. He quickly became invisible once more and grabbed whom he could as he ran past. Others who weren’t already dead and saw their desperate attempt followed suit.  
He had to step over a lifeless body who he realized with horror was Reyna. She had a hole in her head and her eyes watched him move blankly. He kept going. There was another body further away. A kid, probably a newbie. He was still somewhat clean unlike the rest of them. Their captors gunned down another one of them before they made it outside. She had fallen too far behind and Eli didn’t notice until it was too late.  
The last three ran for their lives in the safety of Eli’s invincible bubble. They tried their best to ignore the guns and shouts and the sounds of vehicles on their tails. They made it to the treeline and kept going for a few more yards. They had a good advantage on their captors. One of them, a small woman, stopped causing the rest of them to. She faced where they came from, where the people were coming for them. Her eyes grew dark and she raised clasped hands over her head before bringing them down on the ground so hard it caused a seismic wave to lift the earth flipping vehicles, sending guards flying, and collapsing the flat building they were just in. She turned around to face their shocked expressions.  
“We should probably keep moving,” She breathed obviously tired. They all agreed. They ran again for a mile then, when it seemed no one was following them, they slowed to a walk. Despite how exhausted they all were they didn’t stop until they reached the town Reyna had told Eli she’d seen in the guards’ minds. There Eli stole clothes and supplies for all of them. They stayed hidden in the woods.  
When they were all dressed and fed the girl with the seismic hands stood. Eli learned her name was Marsha.  
“There are more of those places out there, aren’t there?” She asked.  
Eli nodded, visible. She looked between him and the teenage boy beside him.  
“We have to set those people free,” She basically announced. The boy shook his head furiously.  
“No, I don’t want to go near a place like that again. I just want to go home.” He began to cry. Eli pat his shoulder awkwardly.  
“What about you?” She jerked her chin towards Eli.  
“The hero thing might be fine for you, but I can’t hit the ground and kill a thousand people,” He told her.  
“No, but you can save them. You turn invisible and can create a force field.” He shook his head calmly.  
“This was enough for me. I’m with the kid. I want to go home.” She looked disgusted with them.  
“Fine, but I’m going. I can’t just sit on my ass while innocent people get tortured.” She did. She left.  
Eli and the teenager sat in silence for a while listening to the sounds of nature. Sounds they hadn’t heard in a very long time.  
“What’s your name?” The boy asked Eli eventually.  
“Elijah.”  
“I’m Josh.” Eli shook his hand.  
“Where’s home for you, Josh?” Eli asked him.  
“Wichita, Kansas.” Josh looked around. “Doesn’t look like Kansas.”  
Eli had to agree with him. The forest around them definitely indicated they were up north.  
“Go to the police station. Tell them you were kidnapped. They’ll get you back to your family,” Eli told him.  
“What about you?” He was obviously scared to go alone and Eli didn’t blame him.  
“Home is a little more complicate for me. C’mon, I’ll walk you to the road, but then you have to go by yourself.” Eli kept Josh talking to help his nerves. By the time they got to the road and could see the Welcome sign for the town he had learned Josh had been a star lacrosse player and that’s how they got him. He had been set to meet with a college recruiter only they had forced him into a black SUV instead.  
“Now I can see for miles and clearly in the dark,” he told Eli.  
“You’re on your own from here.” Josh looked at the buildings. He wouldn’t have to walk far before he would be in the public eye. Before he would truly be safe.  
“Do you think they’ll come looking for us?” Josh asked quietly. Eli didn’t have a good answer.  
“I don’t know, but you’ll see them coming if they do.” Josh smiled feebly at the joke. Eli squeezed his shoulder.  
“Try to get your family to move if you can. Find me if you need help,” He said.  
“How will I find you?” Elijah smiled a little.  
“Look me up. There shouldn’t be too many Starks in Manhattan.”

 

 

 

 

\---

 

3 and a half Days Later

 

It didn’t take Eli long to find out he was in Vermont. He found a map and walked most of the way back to New York. He stole when he needed to and barely slept. He was aware of how out-of-place he looked in New York with his stolen Vermont mountain man clothes and backpack. He couldn’t bring himself to care. He was too busy noticing how much the city had changed while he was gone. He felt lost despite knowing the streets intimately. He was a stranger to them now.  
It wasn’t hard to find what was Stark Tower. It now had a large A logo. He stood across the street for a long time just staring at it. Had the police even reported him missing? Did Tony care? Did he look for him? Did Eli even care if he had?  
He finally mustered up to courage to go in. A secretary waited at a large desk. When she looked up at him from the thin computer she jumped.  
“Can I help you?” She asked although looked doubtful.  
“I need to see Tony Stark.” She looked like she would have laughed at him if she wasn’t afraid of him.  
“You’ll need an appointment and I’m afraid Mr. Stark’s next availability isn’t until January,” she told him all in a quick clipped way.  
“What month is it now?” If she hadn’t before, she certainly looked wary now.  
“November.” He shook his head at her.  
“I need to see him now. Tell him it’s his son.” She was obviously startled, but picked up the phone and dialed anyways.  
“Yes, Ms. Potts, a man is here demanding to see Mr, Stark. He says he’s his son.”  
A memory of a woman’s voice at the end of a phone in a police station struck Eli. Pepper Potts still worked here? He couldn’t have been gone that long then, right?  
The woman sat up a little straighter.  
“Yes, ma’am, I’ll tell him,” she said into the phone and then hung up. “Ms. Pott’s will be with you right away. You can take a seat,” she gestured to the chairs against the far wall.  
He nodded in thanks and went to sit. As we waited he allowed himself to really look for the first time since he left the facility. Everything looked so futuristic. He felt like he was in one of those science fiction novels he liked as a kid. Then he realized his whole life was now like one of those novels.  
He appreciated everything from the computer the secretary was using to the walls of the room. Then he caught his reflection in a decorative mirror on the wall. He had seen glimpses of it on his way here, but he didn’t allow himself to lay both eyes upon it and soak it in until now. He couldn’t reconcile what he remembered looking like with what he was seeing. He appeared so much older. He looked like a man. A dirty, tired man, but a man.  
“Elijah?” A familiar voice asked. He looked up and saw a tall thin woman with a pretty face and strawberry blonde hair smiling warmly at him.  
“Yeah,” he answered still trying to process what he had seen in the mirror.  
“I’m Pepper, I work for your father. He isn’t here now, but I can bring you upstairs to wait for him.” Eli simply nodded and followed Pepper to a sleek glass elevator.  
“Jarvis, Penthouse, please,” Pepper said when the doors closed.  
“Right away, Ms. Potts,” a disembodied British accent said. Eli jumped and looked around.  
“You won’t be able to see him,” Pepper informed Eli with amusement.  
“Did Tony…” Eli trailed off not really sure what he was going to ask in the first place.  
“Jarvis is an AI Tony made to help run things,” She explained.  
“Really, Ms. Potts does all the work,” the voice spoke again. Eli wondered at the walls for a moment before the elevator stopped moving and doors opened.  
“Here we are.” Pepper stepped off and Eli followed. It was a very large room with an open floor plan. There was a bar in one corner and a kitchen in the other. Stairs led to an indoor balcony and hallway. One entire wall was just glass showing off the city. It was amazing. Eli hated it. He hated that he grew up in tiny apartments and then in a cell, tortured and used as a test subject all while his father was living like this.  
“Can I take a shower?” He asked. She looked a little taken off guard, but smiled all the same.  
“Of course.” She led him to a large bathroom that was made of pure marble. There were two basin sinks and one large mirror. Even the toilet look expensive.  
“Just tell Jarvis how hot you want the water and when you’re done.” She caught Eli staring at the ceiling suspiciously. “Don’t worry. The only peeping Tom around here is Tony,” she smiled. Eli forced one back. She left him in peace.  
He stripped off his dirty clothes and stepped in the shower. It had heavy glass doors that slid effortlessly to let one in and out. The shower head hung from the middle of the ceiling.  
“Uh-warm water, please?” He asked the wall feeling stupid. The water turned on and hit him like luke-warm rain.  
“A little hotter.” It grew hotter just as he had asked. “Thanks.”  
“You’re welcome, Mr. Wells,” Jarvis replied.  
For a while Eli simply stood there and let the water wash over him. He let everything but the feel of the hot droplets slip away. He found shampoo on a shelf just in reach and squirted half the bottle in his hand. He scrubbed his hair until his scalp felt raw then rinsed it out and did the same with the conditioner.  
He found a bar of soap that was heavily scented with lilac and washed himself until his skin turned red and all the dirt caked beneath his nails were gone. He hadn’t felt so good in... Well, he didn’t know how long, but it was certainly years.  
He stepped out of the shower and found a towel and fresh clothes waiting for him on the counter.  
“I informed Ms. Potts that you were in need of some new clothing,” Jarvis explained to the confused man.  
“Thank you.”  
“It was no trouble at all.”  
Eli pulled on the grime free clothes. It was a pair of dark green boxer briefs, soft grey sweatpants, and a black cotton t-shirt. He dried his hair with the towel.  
“Mr. Stark has arrived,” Jarvis informed him. A pit formed in Eli’s stomach. This was it.  
Eli stepped out of the bathroom and walked down the stairs. Pepper stood at the bar scolding the one and only Tony Stark in a hushed voice. He was pouring himself some jack over ice. He didn’t pay much attention to what Pepper was saying as he approached. He was too busy processing the glowing thing in Tony’s chest.  
“There’s the little rugrat,” Tony said when he noticed Eli walk up. He stepped out from behind the bar. Pepper went silent. “Well, I guess ‘little’ isn’t really the right word anymore.” Without thinking, Eli punch Tony in the nose so hard he tumbled backwards to the floor. Pepper shouted in surprised and rushed to make sure Tony was okay.  
“Yeah, I had that coming,” Tony groaned as he sat up and took a sip of his mostly saved drink.  
“It should have been you,” Eli growled. All his anger, all his resentment, all his grief was finally bubbling to the surface. “If it had been you that was killed that night none it would have happened!”  
Tony stood and held his hands up chest level in surrender.  
“Okay, why don't we start from the beginning,” Tony suggested. “You want a drink?” He went back behind the bar and poured two glasses of Jameson.  
“Am I old enough to drink?” Eli asked. Tony cocked an eyebrow. Eli slowly sat at a bar stool, but didn't touch the drink.  
“You had me worried when you didn't show at your grandmother’s funeral,” Tony told him. Eli looked up at his father.  
“You went?”  
“Yeah, well, Pepper dragged me.” Eli glanced at the woman who watched them carefully.  
“Was it nice?” He looked back at his father. He recognized his own eyes on Tony’s face, but the rest was his mother’s. Tony nodded.  
“It was lovely.” It was a serious moment that came off as rare to Eli, which made him appreciate it through all his conflicting emotions.  
“You abandoned me,” Eli noted looking down at his glass. “Three times.”  
“Matina-”  
“Don't say her name,” Eli interrupted him. “You don't get to say her name.”  
“Your mother asked me to stay away. She thought you were better off if I kept my distance.”  
“You didn't fight her on it?” Tony shrugged.  
“I agreed with her.” Eli slammed his hand down on the bar causing both his and Tony’s glasses shake.  
“Do you have any idea the kind of hell I've been through because of you? Because you were around?” He was seething. He couldn't keep himself under control. He felt vulnerable and wild like any emotion could take over at any moment and any of them could make him throw Tony out of that wall of Windows.  
“No, I don't and I’m sorry.” The apology made everything in Eli stop. If he had understood anything about Tony Stark while growing up in the city it was that he did what he wanted, when he wanted and he never apologized for it. Something in Eli broke.  
“They tortured me because you weren't there. If you had been there my mom would be alive. If you have been there I wouldn’t be a freak! I wouldn't have had to live through hell! Or leave my friend’s dead body behind! I would know how old I am or-or what fucking year it is! You've ruined my fucking life!” He was crying and he didn't bother trying to stop. He dug the heels of his hands into his eyes and just let the sobs roll. It was better than being angry. He hated feeling angry.  
Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up. Tony was standing beside him squeezing his shoulder.  
“It's November 22, 2014 which means you turned 23 a week ago.” He let Eli process this before speaking again.  
“Did I miss Thanksgiving?” He didn't know why he asked it. It was the only thought he could cling to at the moment.  
“Nope, it’s in a few days.”  
Eli nodded and sighed. He felt nauseous. His head hurt and his throat was dry. Everything was becoming too much.  
“You want to tell me exactly what happened?” Tony asked after a few seconds of silence.  
“It doesn't make a difference,” Eli said. It was true. Whoever it was that had tortured him all these years was dead thanks to the girl with the seismic hands. There may have been other facilities out there, but what could Tony do about that?  
“A lot of people have said that me, but The Avengers always seem to prove them wrong.” He said with meaning as if Eli should have been empowered or reassured by his words, but he wasn't.  
“What are The Avengers?” Tony looked disappointed that the moment he tried conjuring didn't land.  
“Boy, do we have some catching up to do.”

 

\---

 

2016

 

Tony had gotten Eli the best psychological help he possibly could. They had gotten him caught up and acclimated with the times before he met The Avengers or, as he liked to call them, Tony’s Band of Misfits. He got along with Steve best, which was a surprise to no one. Although Eli had a better understanding of it, they quickly bonded over the strange fast paced modern world they lived in, but didn't feel a part of.  
When Steve wasn't around Clint or Nat went out of their way to be good company for him. He was endlessly grateful to them for it. Then Wanda showed up and they became best friends almost immediately. They filled in gaps in each other no one else could. Vision liked him less than the others he could tell. He figured it had to do with how close he was to Wanda so he wasn't too concerned.  
Tony had him moved to the Avenger’s base. There Eli underwent training, but he never went out on the field with the rest of them. His psychologist had to clear him first. She assured him excitedly that she felt confident she could clear him within the next few weeks. He wasn't looking forward to it. He was content with hanging back while everyone else went out and did hero stuff. He didn't want that. He wasn't a hero. He just didn't know how to tell all his superhero friends that.  
Eli grew comfortable in his new life. He spent almost all his time at the Avenger’s base. Much of his time spent alone, which he didn't mind. He and Tony’s relationship needed work, but Tony wasn't around enough for that and Eli wasn't complaining. He still held resentment and he wasn't sure if that would ever go away or if he wanted it to. Forgiving Tony and establishing an actual relationship with him felt like a betraying his mother.  
All in all the two years brought healing and comfort. He was as happy as he could imagine being. Then Steve brought home a hundred year old assassin and everything went to shit.


	2. Annoyed Is Who I Am, Cap.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elijah, meet Bucky. Bucky, meet Elijah. Good, now, get unexpectedly and unintentionally close due to an embarrassing event.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and for the kudos already. I honestly didn't expect anyone to like it so that's pretty cool. More will be on its way soon!

When he left his room that morning he expected the usual day’s events. He would make himself some breakfast, sit at the kitchen island with whoever was home and chat, go back to his room and sulk a little, train, then watch tv and go to bed. What he got was a common area full of Avengers minus two and plus one.  
“The prodigal son awakens,” Tony said from the corner of the room, uncharacteristically away from the crowd.  
“If anyone is prodigal here, Tony, it's you,” Eli replied as he eyed the newcomer. He sat beside a broody Steve with pale eyes glued to the ground. He was ruggedly handsome and wore dingy clothes well. Dark practically shoulder length hair framed his attractive face. Something about him was familiar, but Eli couldn't figure out what.  
“We’re out of cereal,” Wanda told him as he continued his path to the kitchen. Her eyes flickered to Clint, who was finding his boots very interesting.  
“I’m fighting you, Barton.” He pointed a finger at the archer. Clint smiled at him.  
“Any time, any place, Stark. You know I'm always happy to kick your ass,” he joked. Eli cracked a smile back. Everyone called him by Tony’s last name. It was mostly to annoy and confuse Tony so Eli didn't care much.  
“You owe me a box of Lucky Charms.” Eli went around to where everyone else was.  
“I got to say, Elijah, those ducklings are very becoming of you,” Sam gestured to Eli’s pajama pants with his eyes from his armchair.  
“You know I only dress to impress you, Sammy.” Eli patted his cheek gently as he spoke and sat on the arm of the chair. “So, is anyone going to introduce me to our new friend?”  
He looked around briefly before the stranger’s eyes lifted and met his. The reason behind the familiarity struck Eli. He reminded him of himself two years ago. He reminded Eli of himself when he first arrived, before his haircut and his plastic prescription glasses. Before he learned to smile and laugh when others were around.  
“Eli, this is Bucky. Bucky, this is Elijah Stark. Tony’s son,” Steve woke from his thoughtful trance and introduced the two. Eli was hit with the second reason he looked familiar.  
“Holy fuck,” he uttered. Steven gave him a withering look.  
“Language,” he scolded softly. Eli ignored him and looked back to his father. Tony didn’t utter a word he simply watched Bucky carefully.  
When everything went down Tony stowed Eli away to “protect” him. He had a feeling Tony didn’t want him getting in the way or siding with Steve. Months passed and Steve hadn’t brought up Bucky once. Eli assumed the guy ran off again, but here he was sitting five feet away.  
“So, we run out of cereal and get a new roommate? Why didn’t anyone wake me sooner?” He tried keeping the situation light. He knew how tense things were between Steve and Tony. Bucky’s presence couldn’t be making anything easier between them.  
“None of us wanted to get flung across the room,” Natasha said with a smirk.  
“That was one time.”  
She shrugged and continued smiling until Eli returned it.  
“So, where’s the new roomie staying because I refuse to share a room.” The comment opened up a slightly argumentative conversation. Eli stood to escape while they were all distracted. He stretched, his shirt pulling up enough to show off midriff. When we relaxed he caught Bucky staring. Fighting off blush, he quickly made his way to the bathroom. If he couldn’t eat his cereal he was getting the first damn shower of the day.  
He didn’t go back into the common area until it night-time. Knowing the congregation located there he spent a little extra time training, took a second shower, and spent the rest of his time in his room. He loved his friends he really did, but handling them all at once in a tense situation was overwhelming.  
By the time he realized he ate only a protein bar all day he had satisfactorily numbed his mind with a binge watch of a bad 90s sitcom. He made his way into the kitchen in a plain grey t-shirt and his favorite pair of boxer briefs (a baby blue rainbow covered gift from Natasha). He rummaged through the cabinets not bothering to limit the noise all that much. Everyone was in their rooms sleeping anyways. He found a bag of microwave popcorn and shrugged. Better than nothing, he figured.  
The microwave had just hummed to life when a voice spoke from the dark.  
“You’re loud,” it said. It startled him so much he inadvertently turned invisible. His eyes adjusted and he noticed the shape of a half reclined man on the couch. Bucky.  
“I didn’t know you were there,” Eli said as a way of apologizing. He made no move to become visible again. In fact, he didn’t really notice his body was missing under his clothes yet. They were both silent. Only the popping from the microwave filled the air along with the buttery scent. Neither of them spoke or moved again until the microwave beeped. Eli removed the steaming bag and placed it on the island.  
“Want some?” he offered Bucky’s shape. Bucky didn’t say anything. He simply got up and walked into the dim light of the kitchen. He had taken off all the layers he wore earlier. Now he wore black sweats and a t-shirt to match. Eli couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering over the shiny metal arm that reached out for the bag.  
“Are you going to stay like that?” His words were flat. It took Eli a moment to understand what he was talking about. With a start he realized his clothes were floating by themselves and quickly manifested his body again. They sat in silence, munching on popcorn for a few minutes.  
“They had you,” Bucky spoke suddenly. Eli met his eyes. They were stunningly blue. Beautiful unlike his own heavy-lidded brown ones. He didn’t have to ask to know who Bucky meant by ‘they.’  
“How do you know?” He asked. He knew Steve wouldn’t have said anything. He was too good to go around spreading other people’s business. If earlier was any indication the others weren’t exactly very talkative with the man before him.  
“Scars.” It made sense to Eli why Bucky was staring earlier. When his shirt lifted his usually hidden scars must’ve been visible. There was nothing he could do to cover the ones around his wrists or ankles. His back, stomach, and hips he usually tried to keep away from prying eyes.  
“It looks like I was lucky. I could’ve ended up with a lot worse than a few scars,” he gestured to Bucky’s metal arm. Bucky looked at the lines around Eli’s wrists.  
“A few scars can be just as bad as a metal arm.” He met Eli’s eyes. They sat like that for a while. Neither touched the popcorn allowing it to grow cold.  
“Do you remember any of it?” Eli asked quietly. Bucky looked away from him. His eyes focused on the sink behind Eli.  
“I remember all of it.” The words sent a chill down Eli’s spine.  
“I can't. Sometimes I'm glad I can't, but other times…” he trailed off. “I want to know what they did to me. What they made me do, but it's like my brain blocked it all out or like… I don't know.”  
“Like they took it from you.” He still didn't meet Eli’s eyes, but Eli kept a steady gaze on him.  
“Yeah, exactly.” They had another moment of silence. It wasn’t awkward, but comfortable. It unsettled Eli how comfortable he felt with a hundred year old killer. He hated the thought as soon as it happened. He could have been a killer too for all he knew.  
“I should get back to bed,” he spoke finally and stood. “I’m sorry I woke you.”  
“You didn't.” Their eyes met again and mutual understanding passed between them. Sleeping was hard.  
“Still,” Eli said and began to walk from the room.  
“I like your underwear,” Bucky said just before Eli left. Eli, who forgot he didn't have pants on, became invisible out of embarrassment. This time he was aware of it, but pretended he wasn't. He didn't think Bucky bought it.  
“Thanks,” he mumbled and rushed back to his bedroom. Sleep proved harder than usual that night.

 

\---

 

Eli made sure he was wearing pants before he left his room the next morning. His stomach twisted a little when he thought about having to see Bucky. Last night felt strangely intimate. It caught Eli off guard and made him nervous. All his anxiety was for nothing, though. When he entered the common area the only person present was Steve at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee and a newspaper.  
Eli poured himself a cup and sat across from the Captain. His civilian clothes were a little too perfect, but Eli attributed that to him serving in the military for several decades.  
“Morning, Cap. Feeling very star-spangled today?” Eli asked good-naturedly. Steve raised an eyebrow at him.  
“For someone who wasn't raised by Tony, you sure are a lot like him,” Steve commented.  
“Ah, yes, but it's obvious when you note our taste in women,” Eli told him.  
“How is that?” Eli grinned at the Captain’s question.  
“He has one. I don't.” Eli set down his mug. Steve chuckled.  
“I should've seen that coming.”  
“That you should have, Cap, that you should have.” Eli swiveled around on the island chair and scanned the entire common area to make sure Bucky wasn't hiding in plain sight like last night. Steve caught this.  
“Looking for something?” Eli shrugged.  
“Where's Mr. Tall, Dark, and Shiny?” He asked casually and took a sip of his coffee. Steve smiled at the name.  
“He's taking a shower,” Steve told him. Eli nodded.  
“What was he like? Before everything that happened,” Eli had to ask. He'd read history books, visited museums as a kid, but Steve was an unedited primary source. He knew Bucky better than Bucky knew Bucky.  
“He liked to joke a lot like you do. Everyone figured him for a dumb pretty boy, but he loved everything to do with science. He dragged me to so many fairs,” Steve was smiling nostalgically. “He was a big flirt. Flirted with anything that walked on two legs, but I almost never saw him with the same girl twice. I think he was afraid.”  
“Afraid of what?”  
“Rejection. Buck wasn't used to rejection. Not from people he liked anyway.” Eli chewed on that for a moment.  
“Do you miss him?”  
“It's complicated. It's still him. He's still Bucky, but he's just… different. I can still see the old him in there, but with everything that's happened I can't expect him to still be the guy that used to get into fights in alleys for me.” Steve’s face screwed up into a complicated expression. Eli reached out and grabbed his hand.  
“He's lucky to have you, you know that? I wish I had someone who knew me before, who could miss that part of me. I don't really remember what life was like before. You guys might be a long time away from home, but at least you're here together.” Steve smiled and Eli returned it.  
“Go get dressed and I’ll train with you.” Eli gave a full toothy grin.  
“Sir, yes, sir!”

 

\---

 

When Wanda didn't leave her room Eli knew she needed him. Rather than take a shower after training with Steve he walked down the hall from his own room to hers. He rapped the door softly with swollen knuckles. She didn't answer, but he pushed the door open anyways.  
She was laying on her bed staring at the ceiling. She didn't move her eyes as he stepped in, closed the door, and reclined on the bed beside her.  
“Tell me, little witch, what’s knocking around in that brain of yours?” He watched her watch the ceiling.  
“How badly you smell,” she answered in her accented voice. Eli chuckled.  
“And here I thought you liked my musk,” he joked. The smallest of smiles found its way to her lips.  
“I like you when you shower.”  
“Well, I'm afraid you're stuck with unshowered me until I know you're okay.” She laced her thin fingers through his.  
“Some days are harder without him than others,” she sighed. He looked to the spot on the spotless ceiling her eyes remained fixed on.  
“I know what you mean.” He pictured his mother’s face. It was hard to remember exactly what she looked like. She felt like a memory of a memory. Her features were there, but vague. He wished he had a picture of her.  
“I’m fine. Go shower you smell like a pig.”  
Eli smiled and gave her a peck on the cheek before hauling his aching body from the comfort of her bed then out of her room. He could hear pool balls knocking around in the common area which meant Clint and Nat were going stir crazy from not having any missions. He smiled at the memory of Nat winning and rubbing it in Clint’s face for a week last time they played. He was happy here.  
One thing Eli never took for granted was showering. Every time was a cathartic experience. He felt like he was purging his body of all the dirt and grime from his life. Nothing was better. Watching movies in bed on his laptop was a close second, but nothing beat showering.  
It didn’t hit him until he stepped out of the shower that all he had with him were his sweat soaked clothes. It wasn’t that big a deal he could just turn invisible. No one would see him walk butt naked to his room, but the anxiety that they actually could would be there. He debated calling for someone to bring him something, but he knew only Nat and Clint would hear. They would bring him something hilariously small like a washcloth or a sock. Even worse, Bucky might hear and decide to help. Embarrassment flushed through him just thinking about it. Invisible it was.  
He took a breath in attempt to ease his nerves and turned invisible. He checked the mirror to make sure his body was in fact hidden from the human eye before slipping from the bathroom. He went as quickly as he could without slipping and falling. He slid into his room and shut the door. Relieved, he leaned his forehead against the door and sighed. He felt himself become visible again.  
To his absolute horror, he heard someone clear their throat behind him. His entire body froze. Slowly, he looked over his shoulder to see Bucky sitting on his bed focusing on the desk on the left side of the room. He faced the door again.  
“Yeah, that’s about right,” he grumbled to himself. His entire being felt like it was on fire.  
“Right,” he said. “I’m going to turn invisible, get dressed, then you’re going to tell me why you’re in here. Okay?” He turned his head just enough to peek over his shoulder so Bucky couldn’t see the deep crimson of his cheeks. Bucky gave a terse nod. Just like he said, Eli turned invisible and cautiously made his way to his dresser, dangerously close to where Bucky sat.  
He pulled on a pair of blue boxer briefs, then a pair of flannel pajama pants, and a novelty t-shirt with cartoon versions of all the Avengers that said “ASSEMBLE” in big bubble letters. He took a steadying breath and became visible again. Bucky looked at him now.  
“The door was open,” Bucky told him. Eli rubbed his eyes just to give himself something to do then grabbed his glasses from the nightstand and put them on launching the room and the man into clarity.  
“That’s not a reason to sit in someone’s bedroom.” Eli sat on the edge of the bed beside Bucky. He was careful to keep distance.  
“The pool balls,” Bucky said as explanation. It was one to Eli. He still had trouble with loud noises himself.  
“How did you know which room was mine?”  
“Your glasses were in here.” Eli nodded. He looked around the room trying to see it how Bucky might've been seeing it. His bed, which he had pushed against the wall opposite the door, was messily made, the blanket simply thrown over the full mattress and pillows. Posters covered the walls each representing movies, music artists, individual Avengers, and photos of Eli with the superheroes.  
His eyes stuck on the one by his headboard of him and Scott Lang. It was his favourite. He looked really happy. Scott’s eyes crossed to focus on the ice cream on his nose while Eli laughed holding the cone and rest by of the ice cream in question. He remembered Wanda taking that before the dreadful conversation. He and Scott weren’t as close as they were before, but that was mostly Eli’s fault.  
“Do you want to watch a movie?” Eli asked. Bucky didn’t answer so Eli dug out his laptop from under his covers and moved back on the bed so he could lean on the wall. He offered and ear bud to Bucky. The assassin contemplated for a moment before sliding back on the bed as well. He took the ear bud in his hand and observed it. He placed just a little too much pressure on it and it shattered in his hand.  
“I’m sorry.” He looked like he was about to leave so Eli placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.  
“It’s okay. We don’t really need them.” He put on the first light-hearted comedy he found in his library. Neither of them made a sound or a move. They just sat and watched and let the sound of the movie drown out the sound of the pool balls. 

 

\---

 

When the movie was over Eli’s embarrassment had fully subsiding and there were no more clacking pool balls. He shut the laptop and like clockwork his stomach growled.  
“Time for lunch,” he announced and tenderly pat his belly. Bucky followed Eli into the common area where Clint and Nat sat on the couch shoving each other while playing a racing came as Steve watched amused.  
“O Captain, my captain,” Eli said as he entered. Steve looked up at the pair walking in, in their pajamas. Eli’s hair was still damp making him feel colder than it probably was.  
“Where were you two?” he asked looking between them.  
“Just watching a movie like the old friends we are.” Eli didn’t know why Steve was looking between them the way he way, but it kind of unnerved him.  
“Have you seen Wanda today?” he asked as the pajama’d pair moved into the kitchen.  
“Yeah, she’s fine. Just having a day,” he said from inside the fridge. He pulled out lettuce, tomatoes, and banana peppers to make a sandwich. He lifted up the ingredients and raised his eyebrows to ask Bucky if he wanted one. He nodded and Eli went on to prepare them both sandwiches.  
“Well, don't you two just look cozy,” Tony’s voice dripping with distaste sounded. Eli, Bucky, and Steve turned to find him entering the room from the door that connects to the rest of the base.  
“Better cozy than hung over,” Eli quipped back. Tony did look thoroughly hung over.  
“You know he's a killer.” Eli’s brows furrowed. Tony wasn't hung over, he was still drunk.  
“So am I,” he replied and abandoned the sandwiches. “Let's get you into a bed, c’mon.”  
Eli draped Tony’s arm over his shoulders and led him to his bedroom. Tony fell back on his bed and didn't close his eyes. Neither of them spoke.  
“Next time you think about being ass do everyone a favor and don't be,” Eli said annoyed.  
“Being an ass is who I am, kid.”  
Eli shook his head and left Tony. When he got back to the kitchen he found Bucky sitting at the island with two finished sandwiches. He managed a small smile to the assassin who sent an even smaller one back.  
“Don't be too annoyed with Tony. I don't think he can help it much,” Steve said sympathetically.  
“Annoyed is who I am, Cap.”


	3. A Trip Down Memory Lane

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meant to get this up yesterday, but I accidentally slept until noon and didn't end up having time lmao.

It was well past midnight when the light knock came. Eli was far from sleep and could think of only one person who would still be awake with him.  
“Come in.”  
The door opened quietly and Bucky slid in. Eli sat up and brought his knees to his chest to make room. Bucky walked over silently and sat down without a word. The dim lighting coming from Eli’s nightlight both softened Bucky’s features and made them more intimidating.  
“Do you have another movie?” He asked. Eli could do nothing but smile softly.  
“I have tons of movies.” He grabbed his laptop from the nightstand and sat up next to Bucky, careful once again to keep distance. He didn't know how Bucky was with touch. He pulled up his movie library and let Bucky scroll through this time and pick something. He ended up clicking some crappy coming of age film.  
They were silent through all the shenanigans the main character got into with her friends. Eli glanced over at Bucky a few times. He was focusing on the movie with a troubled look on his face.  
“Are you okay?” Eli asked when the credits rolled to an upbeat song.  
“I’m just remembering things,” he said.  
“Like what?”  
“What it was like growing up with Steve.” Eli watched his face. He was studying he clothes strewn all over the floor.  
“Do you remember much of it?” Bucky’s eyes slid over to Eli’s then.  
“I remember all of it, but it feels different now. The memories are still happy, but I’m not sure.”  
“But you’re not?” Bucky didn’t speak for a couple of seconds. He looked away and nodded.  
“Maybe.”  
“What was it like? Growing up with Steve, I mean,” Eli asked after another few seconds of silence. A small wistful smile appeared on Bucky’s stubbled face.  
“It was like having everything when you couldn’t have anything.”  
“What do you mean?” Eli wasn’t sure he fully grasped what Bucky was saying. He wasn’t sure Bucky himself fully grasped it.  
“We were just a couple of poor kids from Brooklyn. We didn’t have much, but we had each other. That was the same as having everything we needed and more.” Eli smiled at the thought of a younger version the man beside him and Steve running through the same streets he did when he was younger, after his mom passed.  
“I grew up in Brooklyn too. I didn’t have anyone like you or Steve did, but I remember sitting on the fire escape with my legs hanging over the side. I would just watch everyone go about their lives for hours. It made me feel untouchable.” By the time he finished he had his head leaned against the wall and his eyes on the ceiling, seeing his memory.  
“Do you remember much of it?” Although Bucky had said Eli’s words Eli knew they weren’t about the same thing. He looked to him.  
“I already told you I couldn’t.”  
“Earlier you told Tony you’re a killer.” Eli looked away recalling the words come out of his mouth.  
“Yeah, I guess I did,” he said more to himself. “I didn’t say it because I remembered something, though. I said it because I know it’s the truth I just can’t remember why.”  
They sat for a while in companionable silence. The only other person he was able to stay this quiet with for this long was Wanda. It surprised him. He’d only really known Bucky for going on three days now. Maybe it was because Bucky wasn’t a demanding person to spend time with. Maybe it was because they had the smallest ideas of what each other were going through. Either way, Eli enjoyed it.  
“I should go back to my couch,” Bucky said finally. Eli didn’t want him to, but he wouldn’t say that.  
“Same time tomorrow?” He asked instead as Bucky got up. Bucky gave him a closed lip smile.  
“Okay,” he said before leaving the room and shutting the door behind him.

 

\---

 

They continued their late night movie ritual for three weeks before someone caught them. It wasn’t that they were trying to hide it. No one happened to notice and they didn’t feel the need to bring it up. Eli noticed everyone else noticing them spend more and more time together in the waking hours, but pretended not to.  
Wanda and Steve seemed to pay the most attention. Eli didn’t doubt Tony would have had them beat if he came back. He left the morning after he showed up drunk and was careful to stay away. Eli still couldn’t figure out what Steve said to get Tony to agree to Bucky staying. All he knew was that he was grateful Bucky was there and that Tony was staying away.  
Every once in a while Eli would try to convince Bucky to try a little harder with Steve. Steve was giving Bucky his space and all the time he needed, but Eli could see him waiting for his friend to give some sign that he was ready to be with him again. It made Eli’s heart ache and caused guilt to pour over him. He couldn’t help feeling like he was taking Bucky away from him. Whenever he brought up the subject Bucky promised he would and they would continue with whatever they were doing. He never did follow through though.  
Eli taught Bucky how to play different video games. Really, he mostly taught him to play Mario Kart and Mario Party. Bucky favored Mario Kart and was strangely good at it. Before him Eli was the reigning Mario Kart champ, but now it was a constant battle between him and Bucky. There was almost always playful shoving and nudging involved. They began holding weekly tournaments with whoever was home. It always ended with Bucky vs Eli. Bids were made, money was won, and money was lost. All in all, it was a pretty good month.  
Then Eli fell asleep during a nightly movie with Bucky and things turned.  
He was only so tired because Nat had trained with him. She always worked him harder than anyone else and left him gasping and exhausted for days. He wasn’t about to miss out on showing Bucky another classic he had missed out on, though. Bucky, of course, noticed how heavy-lidded he was no matter how much Eli attempted to hide it.  
“You should sleep. There’s always tomorrow,” Bucky said to him when his eyes began closing during the opening credits. Eli sat up straighter and shook his head.  
“No, I’m fine,” he insisted.  
“Are you sure?”  
“No, but if I fall asleep just give me a good shove. I should wake right up.”  
Bucky didn’t agree to this, but he didn’t leave either so Eli considered it the same thing. Then, just minutes later, his eyes slid shut and he was asleep.  
The light was dim, the walls were stone, and he couldn’t move his body. Leather straps dug into the raw skin around of his ankles and wrists. He tried turning his head, but found it tied down to the wooden chair that imprisoned him. He continued to struggle. Fear and anticipation pumped through him like he knew what was coming only he didn’t. Still, he didn’t want to stick around and find out. Nothing worked. He was too skinny, too weak. He didn’t remember his body looking so frail, but there it was; meek, understated, and too weak to fight his restraints.  
“You should know by now that there’s no point in trying,” A masculine voice said from a dark corner of the room. It wasn’t a particularly malicious voice, but one that was simply stating a dull fact. The man stepped out in the light. He was middle-aged with more salt than peppered hair, and a white lab coat over casual clothing.  
“Who are you? Let me go!” Eli struggled again. The man tisked.  
“Oh, Elijah. You know, you’re the most exciting thing to happen to me in years,” he spoke in drawn out words as he walked closer, his hands behind his back. “Son of Tony Stark and with such a colorful genetic lineage to boot. I thought you were the answer, but if this doesn’t work then we’ve exhausted all our resources.”  
Eli followed the man with his eyes. He felt like he should know him, but he didn’t. The man was standing in front of him now.  
“Does that mean you’ll let me go?” He knew it was a stupid question before he even asked it, but something in him made him say it. The man smiled. It was a cruel thing.  
“No, my dear boy. It means we will have to kill you and all our work, all our overtime with you will have been for nothing.” He moved his hands to his front. Within his right grip was a needle full of a sickly yellow liquid.  
“Try not to disappoint,” the man said then stabbed the needle into Eli’s neck and plunged the liquid into him.  
It happened immediately. The liquid burned him from inside. As it spread so did the agonizing pain. Everything was white-hot within minutes. His ears rang and it took him a moment to realize it wasn’t actual ringing. It was his screams that abused his own eardrums. Then, suddenly, he got thrown back into his present body in the waking world.  
He sat forward on his bed breathing hard. His body ached as he tried to grasp where he was and what was happening. He looked around. He was in his bedroom at the base. Photos and posters covered his walls, Clothes covered his floor and now his broken laptop, and on his bed sat a concerned Bucky.  
“Are you okay?” He asked as he too leaned forward and gently placed a hand on Eli’s arm. They had switched their usual places tonight for some reason so it was his regular hand. He was warm, warmer than Eli would imagine of such a pale man.  
“I think I-I think I remembered something.” His voice was rough, but the ache in his body was quickly subsiding.  
“Are you okay?” Bucky repeated. His hand was still on Eli’s arm, which was steadily growing warmer with each passing second.  
“Yeah-no-I-I dont know. It was just so real-too real.”  
“Do you want me to go?”  
Eli whipped his head around too caught up in the memory/nightmare to hide his horror.  
“No, no I can’t-you should stay in here. For tonight.” Eli could tell despite his stuttering sentences that Bucky understood.  
He got his breathing back to normal and his eyes once again found his laptop. When he woke up he must have accidentally tossed it. It now lay on its side with a shattered screen.  
“I would offer to put another movie on, but,” he gestured lazily to the broken computer.  
“It’s okay. I didn’t really like the one that was on anyways.” Eli turned his whole body to face Bucky in disbelief.  
“If you didn’t like it why didn’t you turn it off and leave when I fell asleep?” He questioned.  
“You were leaning on me,” Bucky told him as if it were no big deal. It wasn’t really, but Eli’s burning cheeks made it feel like it was.  
“I told you to shove me.”  
Bucky shrugged a little. Eli narrowed his eyes at him.  
“Was this the first movie I put on that you didn’t like?” he questioned.  
“I liked a few of them.”  
“If you didn’t like so many of them why didn’t you say anything? Why’d you keep coming?”  
He did that little shrug again.  
“I enjoy spending time with you.”  
Eli felt his ears turn red, but tried to ignore them. It was harder to ignore his heartbeat quicken and his hands grow clammy. He didn’t know what to do with this idea. He couldn’t imagine why James Buchanan Barnes, a hundred year old man, the Winter Soldier, whose best friend is Captain America would enjoy spending time with him so much he would sit through movies he didn’t like every night.  
Well, he could imagine one reason. It was the same reason he would sometimes let Bucky win at Mario Kart. The same reason he’d get into sass battles with various members of the Avenger’s if they brought up something Bucky obviously wasn’t comfortable with. The same reason he’d been looking at the picture of Scott and him less and less over the course of the month. He shoved the thought away, though. It couldn’t be true.  
“Well, that’s good because now we have to go through every movie we’ve watched together and have in-depth discussions about everything pertaining to said movies.” He was still ignoring the redness of his ears and, soon after, his face.  
It wasn’t until he was on the verge of sleep again that Eli realized Bucky brought up not liking the movie on purpose. It made him feel warm and protected him from any more hyper realistic nightmares that night.

 

\---

 

He woke up alone the next morning. The only evidence that he hadn’t at one point been alone was the broken laptop now sitting on his nightstand. He lay there for a while staring at it. Slowly, he sat up and got out of bed. His body didn’t hurt anymore like it did last night, but the memory of the pain was there.  
To his surprise, he didn’t find Bucky in the common area. Instead Wanda and Vision sat on the couch speaking in Wanda’s native tongue. He recognized some words, but not enough to understand what is was they were talking about. He went to the kitchen and found, with relief, that there was half a pot of coffee waiting for him.  
He poured himself a fat mug full and was taking his first sip when Wanda approached. She leaned on the counter beside him,  
“It’s been awhile since you asked for help sleeping. How are you doing?”  
The memory/nightmare from the night before jumped to the front of his mind again. Usually when he had nightmares, especially ones that bad, he would ask Wanda to spend the night with him. She would work her magic and place a bandage in his mind allowing him a couple of weeks of dreamless sleep. Since Bucky spent every night in his room now he was a week overdue. He wouldn’t ask for her help, though. He didn’t know if Bucky would still show up at night now that he broke his laptop, but he didn’t want to risk him showing up while Wanda was in there.  
“I’m fine,” he lied and took another sip of lukewarm coffee and sat at the island.  
“Are you mad with me?” She asked from behind him, still at the counter. Eli could feel Vision watching them, but didn’t acknowledge it.  
“No. Why would you think I’m mad at you?” He turned to face her. She looked relieved.  
“We haven’t hung out lately. You’ve been busy with Bucky.”  
He instantly felt guilty. He had neglected her even though he hadn’t meant to.  
“I’m sorry, Wands. I never meant to hurt you,” he apologized and swiveled the seat on the island chair to face her fully. “We can spend today together. Just the two of us,” He offered.  
She gave a half-smile and her eyes shifted to behind him. He looked over his shoulder to find Vision had silently floated up.  
“I’ve said it once and I will say it again: we need to get you a bell,” he told him. Vision didn’t seem to find Eli’s joke as funny as Eli did.  
“Wanda and I have plans today, I’m afraid,” he told Eli.  
“Oh, well, that’s okay. We can hang out tomorrow then,” Eli smiled up at him. He didn’t smile back.  
“Pick me up at my room?” Wanda smirked. This was a little joke between them.  
“What kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t? See you at seven sharp and wear that dress I like.” He winked at her. They smiled at each other. She pushed herself from the counter and began to follow Vision out of the common area to the door that led to the rest of the base.  
“Do you happen to know where Bucky is?” he asked just before they exited.  
“He went on a run with Steve,” Wanda told him then they were gone.  
Eli let himself revel in the silence. Then he let himself smile because Bucky was with Steve.

 

\---

 

Eli was alone until it grew dark outside, which he viewed as a blessing since it was his rest day. It being his rest day also meant his weekly appointment with his psychologist was today. He canceled the last two, said he was sick. This one he flat-out skipped. He knew she was ready to clear him for missions, but he didn’t want that. He didn’t know what he wanted.  
“I just saw Dr. Jacoby,” Clint leaned over the back of the couch where Eli had been laying and watching tv to say.  
“Did you?” He asked casually. Clint walked around the couch, lifted Eli’s legs, sat down, and placed them on his lap. Clint had been gone on a mission for a week. He must’ve arrived earlier since he was now in his training clothes. It wasn’t unusual for him to come back like he had never been gone. Training right after a mission usually indicates it didn’t go how he wanted it to, though. He was more banged up than last Eli saw him, but otherwise still in one piece.  
“She said you didn’t show today.” Eli kept his eyes on the episode of Friends that was playing on the gigantic television.   
“Drats, I must’ve forgot.” He even threw in a dramatic snap of his fingers.  
“Do you want to talk about it?” Clint asked. Eli finally looked at him. He had a bright bruise under his eye and a band-aid on his nose.  
“Not really.” All the mirth in Eli’s voice was gone. He’d been avoiding talking about his super hero destiny with his super hero friends. He didn’t think they’d understand.  
“You want to talk about Bucky?”  
The question caught Eli off guard. He raised an eyebrow at Clint.  
“What’s there to talk about?”  
Clint shrugged and stretched his arm along the top of the couch.  
“You guys have gotten pretty close,” he commented.  
“We’re friends,” Eli told him.  
“Sure, sure. Friends sleep in each other’s bedrooms then sneak out in the morning all the time.” Clint was smirking and watching the television.  
Eli’s face heated up.  
“That wasn’t what it looked like.” He didn’t try to explain what it was, though. He really didn’t know, but he did know it wasn’t whatever Clint’s dirty mind was working up.  
“So it was something?” Clint was looking very pleased with himself. He always did when he managed to back Eli into a corner.  
Eli sat up, his legs still resting on Clint’s lap.  
“Shoot, I forgot. Since I’m gay I can’t have any guy friends without having the uncontrollable urge to get them into bed,” he said sarcastically. The smile fell from Clint’s face.  
“Eli, you know I didn’t-”  
“I’m sorry, Clint, I can’t hear you over my agonizing attraction to you because you are a man.” Eli cupped Clint’s face with both hands. He was smirking now. Clint looked annoyed at being bested.  
“Ha, ha,” he said drily.  
“It’s too strong! I can’t fight it!” Eli cried dramatically and pressed his lips to Clint. Admittedly, it wasn’t the first time he kissed Clint to embarrass him. It was, however, the first time Clint grabbed his face and kissed him roughly back. Despite the shock, Eli was able to appreciate that Clint was actually a pretty good kisser.  
“A-hem,” a voice spoke loudly from across the room. Eli quickly pulled away, red all over, while Clint remained calm and smirking triumphantly. Eli wiped some spit from the corner of his mouth and looked to see who the voice belonged to.  
Standing in the doorway covered in sweat were Steve and Bucky. Eli hadn’t heard the glass doors slide open.  
“You two really couldn’t make it to a bedroom?” Steve asked amused. Eli’s eyes flicked over to Bucky, who remained expressionless.  
“Eli’s sexuality got the better of him, sorry, Cap. Won’t happen again.” Clint stood, still smiling, and left to his bedroom. Steve’s gaze shifted to Eli and Eli couldn’t help noticing some disappointment in them.  
“I’m going to shower,” Bucky grumbled and stalked away.  
Steve sat down beside Eli.  
“Did you guys have a good day?” Eli found himself asking to fill the silence.  
“We did. I see you had a good day as well,” he nodded to where Clint had made his leave.  
“I was just trying to embarrass him. Turns out he’s grown immune to my wiles and was able to one up me.” He crossed his arms over his chest.  
“If I had known that was all it took to leave you speechless I might’ve tried it myself,” Steve joked lightheartedly.  
“Do you think Bucky is upset?” he asked in response, not meeting Steve’s eyes.  
“I don’t think he’s very happy.”  
Eli’s insides twisted in a way he didn’t fully understand. All he knew was he had to talk to Bucky. He needed him to know his kiss with Clint was a joke and nothing more.  
“I think I’m going to head to bed,” he told Steve and got up.  
“Good night,” Steve said to his retreating form.  
“‘Night.”

 

\---

 

Eli laid in bed until he heard everyone else close their own bedroom doors. He sat up on his bed and waited. A half hour went by before he accepted that Bucky wasn’t coming to him tonight. He’d have to go to Bucky.  
Quietly, he slipped from his room and padded down the hall to the common area. The only light came from the TV. It bathed Bucky in a soft blue light. He was sitting pretzel legged on the couch watching the screen intently. Without a word, Eli walked up and sat beside him in the same manner. Their knees brushed against each other. Friends was still playing. They sat in silence until the end of the episode.  
“It didn’t mean anything,” Eli spoke softly to not disturb the stillness of the room.  
“It looked like it did,” Bucky’s voice was significantly less soft.  
“It probably did, but it was just a joke. Clint and I joke like that.”  
He didn’t look at Bucky because he could tell Bucky wasn’t looking at him. His stomach knotted.  
“Why are you telling me?”  
Eli sighed and looked down at his hands.  
“Because I don’t want you to think there’s anything going on between Clint and me.”  
“Why do you care what I think?”  
Eli looked at him now. His eyes were still focused on the television. Eli took in a small breath for courage and place a hand on Bucky’s knee. This grabbed Bucky’s attention. His eyes looked to Eli’s hand then to Eli’s eyes.  
“Because I like you,” Eli admitted.  
Bucky’s eyebrows lifted a little. He didn’t say anything. His eyes moved back to Eli’s hand. Slowly, he reached his right hand across his own lap to light brush over Eli’s fingers. Then, he pushed his fingers to fill the slots between Eli’s, lifting Eli’s hand in the process. Eli watched it all play out.  
Eli’s hand became a beacon of warmth that radiated throughout his entire body. Eli looked up to Bucky’s eyes. He was already watching him. Before he could put too much thought into it, Eli all but launched forward and crashed his lips to Bucky’s.  
For a horrific moment, Bucky was frozen. Eli almost ran away, but then Bucky’s lips responded beneath his. Clint certainly had nothing on Bucky when it came to this. The knot in Eli’s stomach tightened joyfully while his mind short circuited. Every part of him felt like it was on fire in the best possible way.  
Soon, he was pressing Bucky into the couch cushions. His chest pressed against Bucky’s chest. His hands tangled in Bucky’s hair. Bucky’s right hand traveled up his back beneath his shirt while his metal one caressed his love handle, careful to remain gentle.  
Eli’s heart thumped erratically against his chest. He wouldn’t have been surprised if Bucky could feel it.  
It wasn’t long before Eli shifted in just the right way causing himself and Bucky to rub against each other through their pants. With their lips still connected, Eli began moving his hips against Bucky’s. Bucky moaned into his mouth causing Eli to move a little faster.  
He took his mouth off of Bucky’s and began to kiss his jaw line, then his neck as he moved against him. Bucky moaned again. Eli managed to muffle it with his hand before it grew too loud. Eli stopped. He looked Bucky in his beautifully blue eyes, the tips of their noses touching.  
“Maybe this isn’t the best place for this,” he breathed. His head was beginning to clear now with the lack of friction. “Or the best time.”  
“I’m okay with just staying like this,” Bucky said. His voice was rough and soft all at once. Eli nodded.  
“Yeah, me too.”  
He shifted a little and rested his head on Bucky’s chest. Bucky tucked him in the crook of his neck as they both came down from their highs. Eli listened to Bucky breathe. The last thought he had before drifting off was how glad he was that they were both alive and in this moment.

 

\---

 

He had to kill the man to make the pain stop. There was no other way. He tried digging the small metal disks they attached to his temples off, but they wouldn’t budge. They said if he killed the man they would make them stop hurting him. They would make it stop feeling like every bone in his body was breaking over and over again.  
The man was dirty, beat up, and tied to a chair. He was crying. He was speaking, begging for his life probably, but Eli couldn’t hear anything over the throbbing in his ears. He raised the gun they gave him and leveled it with the man’s head. He pulled the trigger.

 

He hadn’t slept in two weeks. He sat on the couch drinking coffee and watching tv to keep his mind off of it. That’s where Wanda found him. He couldn’t remember how we got there. He looked around, there was no sign of Bucky. His clothes were different.  
“What time is it?” He asked her.  
“One in the morning,” She said.  
“Where’s Bucky?” He asked.  
“I can help you if you want. I can make it harder for you to remember to help you sleep,” she offered. There was something wrong about her. Her hair was shorter. Her face and voice were void of emotion.  
“What? What do you mean make it harder for me to remember?” He asked confused. He became acutely aware that he was dreaming.  
“Put your head in my lap.”  
His body did so without him telling it to. She began moved her hands on either side of his head.  
“It won’t last forever I’ll have to keep doing it,” she informed him. This was what she did when she helped him sleep.  
“You’re the reason I can’t remember what they did to me. What I did,” he realized.  
“As long as you don’t try too hard you won’t remember them,” she told him in the same emotionless voice.  
“Them? Who’s them?”  
“The people you killed.”  
He shot awake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudo, comment, bookmark, subscribe, anything to validate me and make me feel like i'm doing something right.


	4. Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for this chapter: hallucinations/flashbacks, suicide attempt-ish, and hospitals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not the longest chapter sorry

“Are you okay?” Bucky asked groggily as he sat up with Eli sitting between his legs.

Eli couldn’t breathe. The room was spinning and he couldn’t breathe. It couldn’t be true. Wanda wouldn’t do that. Wanda wouldn’t manipulate his mind. If Wanda didn’t do that, that means everything about the dream was a lie. It couldn’t be true.

“She wouldn’t, she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t,” he whispered to himself over and over.

“Eli, are you okay?” Bucky asked again, but his voice distorted into something barely understandable. He placed a hand on Eli’s shoulder. Eli suddenly felt like he was going to vomit. He ripped away from Bucky and fell off the couch to the floor. He recuperated himself from the heap he fell in and sat up. The nightmares, or were they memories, kept replaying in his head.

He clenched his eyes shut and grabbed tufts of hair as he curled in on himself. He needed it to stop. He needed to stop seeing the man with the gun to his head, he needed to stop feeling the pain they put him through, he needed to stop hearing Wanda’s voice saying she could help him. He needed it to stop.  
He continued gasping for air until the gasps turned into dry heaves. He dragged himself to the kitchen sink so he wouldn’t be sick all over the floor. Bucky followed and tried to help, but every touch made Eli feel worse so he kept pulling away from him.

Suddenly everything shifted and he wasn’t in the kitchen anymore. He was in a dimly lit concrete room with a chef’s knife gripped tightly in his hand. There was a guard in front of him. He was saying something, but Eli couldn’t make out the words. He held the knife up.

“Get the hell away from me,” he warned.

The guard backed up a few steps with his hands chest level to show he didn’t have a weapon. Eli wasn’t stupid. He knew he had to have a gun strapped to him somewhere.

Suddenly, the guard shouted something. It was a garbled word Eli couldn’t make out. He did it again, this time louder.

“Stop that,” Eli ordered him, thrusting the knife forward a little. The guard didn’t have to shout again though. Suddenly three more entered.

Eli pointed the knife at them. He was out numbered. He was going to die. No, worse. They wouldn’t kill him. They couldn’t. They would take him back to his cell and he would be prodded and tortured all over again.

“No,” he said with eyes darting frantically between them all. He took a deep breath and raised the knife to his own through. He wouldn’t let them have him.

“Elijah!” one of them shouted. Only, it was a voice he knew. He couldn’t tell which one it was.

“Elijah!” he shouted again along with something else he couldn’t make out.

Eli’s eyes swept across the guards again, but one wasn’t a guard. It was Steve. He blinked sweat away to see him more clearly.

“Steve?” Eli questioned utterly confused. Steve had his arms stretched out cautiously, reaching for Eli.

“Elijah, it’s okay. You aren’t there anymore,” he told him calmly.

Eli looked around again frantically. He was becoming less sure of where he was.

“Steve, what’s going on?” He asked. He became aware of hot streams of tears flowing silently down his face.

Steve stepped forward cautiously.

“You’re at the base. You’re in the kitchen. Just hand me the knife. Everything will be okay.” His voice was even and calming. He put his hands around Eli’s. He sighed as he let Steve take the knife from him.

Steve placed it on the counter, keeping a hand on Eli’s shoulder. Eli was suddenly exhausted. Steve put his other hand on Eli’s other shoulder and held him steady. He ducked down enough so they could be eye level.

“I’m tired. I want to go to bed,” he told Steve before falling asleep right there leaving Steve to catch him.

 

\---

 

_Bucky ___

 

The wait was excruciating. The doctors and nurses wouldn’t let any of them into Eli’s room. The hospital floor they were on didn’t have a formal waiting room so they found a hallway with the least amount of traffic and sat on the floor.

Steve sat next to him. Across from them were Clint, Wanda, and Vision. Natasha was gone on a mission and Tony hadn’t been around in weeks. Wanda sat with her head on Vision’s shoulder, eyes red. Clint’s head hung. Steve’s rested on the wall, his eyes fixed on the ceiling.

Occasionally, nurses and doctors stepped around them looking at them with annoyed expressions. They didn’t care.

“What happened that made him react like that?” Steve asked after what felt like hours of silence.

“Don’t you mean what did I do to make him react like that?” Bucky said bitterly. He was a mess of emotions despite being perfectly stoic on the outside.

“Did you do something?”

The question angered Bucky even though he essentially asked for it. He slammed his metal fist on the ground causing the tile to crack.

“No. We were sleeping and he woke up panicking. He wouldn’t let me help him.”

Bucky had felt absolutely helpless and he hated it. No matter what he did Eli either wouldn’t respond or pulled away from him. He couldn’t do anything but watch him unravel. Now, he couldn’t do anything but sit on the damn floor and wait.

“Did he say anything before it happened?” Steve sounded so tired. Bucky felt guilty. He shouldn’t have called Steve to rescue him. He should have been able to rescue himself and Eli. He just didn't want to risk hurting Eli in attempt to help him.

“He just kept mumbling ‘she wouldn’t,’ before he grabbed the knife.”

Wanda started crying softly. Vision pet her hair to try to comfort her, but he wasn’t doing a very good job.

“Has anyone tried calling Tony?” Clint asked, looking up at everyone. There was a beat of silence.

“I’ll do it,” Steve sighed and heaved himself off the ground. He walked out of the hall and probably out of the hospital to follow the no cellphone rule.

None of them talked until Steve returned a few minutes later.

“He’s on his way,” he let them know and sat back down.

Another few minutes passed before a young doctor with a lovely face and fine blond hair tied up in a ponytail approached.

“Dr. Jacoby, how is he?” Clint asked as he stood. Everyone followed his example.

“He’s fine. He’s lucid and responding well,” the doctor informed them with a patient smile.

“Can we see him?” Steve asked.

“For now, one of you can. We don’t want to overwhelm him and bring on another episode.”

“I want to see him,” Bucky told her before anyone else could nominate themselves.

She looked to the others to see if anyone would protest. They all nodded agreeing he should be the one to go.

“Okay, I’ll bring you to him.”

Bucky followed the small woman down a few bustling hallways before approaching a door. She knocked lightly before poking her head in the room.

“I have a visitor for you,” Bucky heard her say. His heart began pounding in his chest.

She stepped back to let him in. He stepped into the room. Eli looked small. He laid curled on his side facing the door beneath the hospital bed blankets. His hair was more of a mess than usual, his dark eyes were sunken in, and his plump lips held the smallest of smiles. Bucky felt his own mouth crack a small smile back.

He sat on the chair beside Eli’s bed. He tried not to notice the arm restraints hanging free from the side of the frame, but failed miserably.

“I’ll be back in a little while to check on you,” Dr. Jacoby said to Eli before exiting the room.

Bucky didn’t know what to say. He was bad at expressing his emotions before. It usually all came out in flirtatious jokes. Now, was even worse. He didn’t say anything. He just stared at Eli’s tired face and Eli stared back. He looked remarkably like Tony, which brought up a whole other set of feelings he chose to ignore at the moment.

“I’m sorry,” Eli said after a while.

“For scaring you,” he clarified when he saw Bucky’s confused expression.

“It’s okay.”

Eli reached his hand out to Bucky. Bucky gripped it with his flesh hand a little too tight, but Eli didn’t seem to mind. Bucky gazed at the thin plastic bracelet around Eli’s scarred wrist. It didn’t look right. None of it did.

“Is Wanda here?” Eli asked quietly.

“Yes.”

Eli kept his eyes glued on their hands.

“When you leave, tell her she should go home and not come back here.”

The request concerned and confused Bucky, but he didn’t ask any questions. Eli would tell him when he was ready to.

“I’m not leaving.”

Eli smiled.

“ _If_ you leave, then,” he amended.

“I’m not leaving,” Bucky said once more. Eli gave his hand a squeeze.

“Tell me something, Bucky, about you.”

Bucky sighed and leaned forward so his leg supported his metal arm and his metal arm supported his head. Tiredness was beginning to creep in now that he knew Eli was okay.

“I like Cinnamon Toast Crunch,” he told him. Eli chuckled a bit.

“I’m more of a Lucky Charms kind of guy myself,” he said.

“I’ll steal you some from the cafeteria when it opens,” Bucky promised. Eli laughed some more.

Bucky decided Eli’s laugh was his favorite sound. No, his favorite sound was Eli breathing. Eli’s laugh was a close second.

“How do you deal with it all?”

He didn’t have to specify for Bucky to know what he meant.

“I don’t really know,” he admitted. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure he did deal with any of it.

The times it wouldn’t leave him alone he let himself remember and feel. Many days, though, he could keep it at bay and function throughout the day.

“I wish I was as strong as you.”

The sincerity in Eli’s voice struck Bucky.

“I think you’re stronger than me.”

Eli looked at him with his big brown doe eyes.

“How when you’re sitting there and I’m laying here?” Eli asked.

“You let yourself feel it.”

A rueful scoff escaped Eli’s lips.

“I don’t, actually. That’s why I’m here.”

“What do you mean?”

Eli watched himself run his thumb along Bucky’s pinky. It was soft, but sent waved through him.

“I was drunk one night and let Wanda manipulate my mind so I wouldn’t remember everything,” Eli told him. “Dr. Jacoby said repressing the memories that way only made it worse when they finally resurfaced.”

“Will you have more… episodes?” He asked remembering what Dr. Jacoby had called the incident.

“It's likely, but I’m being given meds and Jacoby is upping our schedule to prevent them.”

Bucky felt something he couldn't put his finger on. His chest ached. He hated that Eli was suffering and there was no one he could beat up to make it stop.  
Eli slid further away from him on the bed taking his hand with him. He patted the space beside him with a small smile. Bucky didn't need to be asked twice. He climbed into the bed and slid under the covers. He pressed his body against Eli’s and wrapped his arms around his torso. His head leaned against Eli’s chest. He could hear the beat of his heart.

Eli wrapped his arms around Bucky and laid his cheek on the top of his head. Their legs tangled. Laying there with Eli’s solid, warm, breathing form touching every part of him Bucky felt secure and safe. It had been so long since he felt safe, but he did. He felt safe.

 

\---

 

He hadn't realized they dozed off until the door slammed open and shouting ensued. They both sat up. Tony pushed his way into the room shouting at nurses as he did so. He had some misshapen thing in his hand.

“You,” he pointed at Bucky. “Out. Now.”

Before Bucky could even consider moving Eli gripped his arm.

“No, Bucky isn't going anywhere,” he told his father firmly.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Stark, but if he isn't leaving you have to. Elijah is only supposed to have one visitor at a time,” a stern looking nurse said from the doorway.

“I’m not leaving,” Tony protested. “He’s my son.”

“They can both stay,” Eli told the nurse.

“I'm afraid Dr. Jacoby won't allow that,” she replied.

“Then she can tell me that herself.”

The nurse huffed and left the room presumably to get Dr. Jacoby.

“Can he at least get off the bed?” Tony asked as he plopped down in the chair next to the bed.

Bucky looked to Eli to see what he wanted him to do. Eli gave him a small nod and he got up. He sat in the chair across the small room.

“How you doing, kiddo?” Tony asked.

“Spectacular. Bucky and I were actually just talking about blowing this joint and going skiing,” Eli said, oozing sarcasm.

“I, uh, found something I thought might make you feel better.” Tony was uncharacteristically nervous.

He lift the misshapen thing in his hand for Eli to see. Eli’s eyebrows furrowed. He took it and his eyes widened.

“Hopper? But how did you find him?” Eli’s voice was thick with emotion.

His eyes remained glued on the small stuffed rabbit. He ran his fingers across the short grey fur on its lanky limbs.

“Back when your mom-I convinced one of the cops to grab it for me,” Tony told him.

“Why-why would you do that?”

“I was going to bring it to you, but I was a mess. That's why your mom told me to stay away.”  
“You're still a mess,” Eli smiled at his father. It was a loved filled smile. Bucky remembered giving Steve that smile and Steve sending it right back a lifetime ago. Nostalgia hummed in his bones.

Tony simply smiled a closed lip smile in response to his son.

Eli lifted Hopper to his face. He felt the fur on his cheek then pressed the rabbit to his nose and inhaled deeply. Tears welled in his eyes.

“He still smells like her,” Eli choked out. He kept the rabbit to his nose for a few more seconds before pulling it away and letting out a shaky sigh.

Tony placed a hand tenderly on Eli’s shoulder. Eli grabbed Tony’s hand and yanked him forward into a hug. Tony looked like he didn't know what to do at first, but eventually gave in and hugged his son back.

Bucky couldn't help feeling like an intruder. He had caused this family so much pain. Why was he sitting here observing this moment? Why did he have to have feelings for Tony Stark’s son of all people?

They parted and Tony sat back down. Then the most remarkable thing Bucky could imagine happened. Eli looked at him with shiny eyes, tears drying on his cheeks, and smile so bright it nearly blinded him. He gestured for Bucky to sit on the bed. Bucky simply had no choice in the matter. Eli entranced him.

He sat on the bed at the foot. Eli held out the stuffed rabbit.

“Bucky, meet Hopper. He was my best friend when I was a kid,” he said still smiling.

Bucky took the toy in his hands. He took care to handle it extremely gentle. He felt the soft fur beneath his felt fingers and the memory of the sensations beneath his metal ones. It was a plain rabbit, grey, with button eyes, and a stitched nose. It wore its age well. Wherever he had kept it, Tony took good care of Hopper.

“Hello, Hopper,” Bucky said to the rabbit quietly. He suddenly felt weight on his side.

Eli had shuffled over when he was studying Hopper and leaned against him, still wrapped in the hospital blanket. His head rested on Bucky’s shoulder. Bucky couldn't stop the corner of his mouth from pulling up as he looked at him. His chest was full, his mind was buzzing, he was happy.

“So, this is really happening,” Tony broke through the moment. He was looking between them.

“I hope so or else someone better get Dr. Jacoby because I'm seeing things again,” Eli replied.

“My ears are ringing,” the doctor said as she stepped into the room.

“Maybe you should see a doctor,” Eli quipped.

Bucky loved it when he did that.

“While I’m glad to see you feeling so well, Eli, I said one visitor at a time for a reason,” the doctor told him. “You don't want to over exert yourself now.”

“I was just leaving anyhow,” Tony announced and stood. “Anything happens and I’ll kill you,” he pointed at Bucky.

“Second time’s the charm,” Bucky ventured to joke. Tony smiled a little.

“I think you're good for him, kid,” he told Eli. Eli smiled up at Bucky.

“I think it's the other way around.”

Bucky smiled back.

“I’ll be back,” Tony let Dr. Jacoby know before leaving.

“Quite the character, your father is,” she commented.

“You have no idea.”

 

\---

 

Eli was in the hospital for four days. Bucky stayed with him most of the time. He left a few times, ignoring Eli’s protests, so others could pop in for a bit.  
Eli told Bucky about his mother while running his fingers through Bucky’s hair.

“There was never a dull moment in our apartment. She made everything fun. She would take me on adventures all around the city and found something to teach me on every street. The best memories I have of her, though, are of us laying on the carpet in the living room playing with these little plastic dinosaurs I had. We would do that for hours. Just lay there making silly voices and silly situations.”

Eli was lost in his nostalgia. It was such a pure way to see him. He looked younger almost like he was that kid again playing with his mom.

“She would have liked you,” Eli told him suddenly.

“How do you know?” Bucky asked quietly.

“Because I like you.”

“I like you too.”

 

Bucky divulged some stories from his own adolescence. He told Eli about the mischief he and Steve got up to. For a moment the situation felt normal. It felt like they weren't two fragmented people laying in a hospital bed.

“Steve said you were quite the lady’s man,” Eli told him. Bucky breathed a single laugh through his nose.

“Yeah, I guess I was,” he admitted.

“Were there ever any men?” Eli asked. His fingers still playing with Bucky’s hair. It was calming and grounding. He was here. He was here.

“There were a few, but I never took them around Steve.”

“Were you afraid Steve wouldn’t talk to you anymore?”

Bucky couldn't imagine a universe where he could do anything that would make Steve stop talking to him. Especially after everything that happened in this one.

“No, but I was afraid he'd see me differently. That he would look at me and wouldn't see the Bucky that beat the shit out of guys for him in alleys every other day, all he'd see were the men I slept with.”

It was strange saying the words a different him felt so long ago.

“Are you still afraid of that?”

Bucky shifted his head where it was on Eli’s chest to look up at him. If he was afraid, he wasn't anymore.

“No,” he answered truthfully.

Eli smiled at him. His eyes crinkled in the corners under the lenses of his glasses when he smiled.

“In that case,” his hands moved from Bucky’s hair to the stubble on his face.

“James Buchanan Barnes, will you do me the great honor of being my boyfriend.”

“I guess,” answered with pretend contemplation.

Eli laughed. Bucky’s heart slammed against his chest. Eli guided Bucky’s face up to his own and kissed him. Bucky felt light as a feather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll properly format the rest tomorrow. I've been lazy. Validate me with kudos, comments, and everything else.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll post the rest chapter by chapter as I'm done proofing them. Tell me what you think!


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